Social Emotional Development: Ages 5 – 7 years

This area of development involves learning to interact with other people, and to understand and control your own emotions. Developing the ability to control your emotions and behavior is also a long process. Children continue to develop their social-emotional skills well into their teenage years, or even young adulthood.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 5-7 years of age.

• Measures own performance against others
• Feel more comfortable spending time at other places without you (i.e. a relative’s or friends’ house)
• Continue to develop social skills by playing with other children in a variety of situations
• Be able to communicate with others without your help
• Start to feel sensitive about how other children feel about him or her

Red Flags

• Not interested in playing with other children
• Not able to share or take turns with other children
• Dependent on caregivers for everything
• Extremely “rigid” about routines, and becomes extremely upset when things are changed
• Extreme difficulty separating from you
• Is too passive or fearful, and does not want to try things other same age children are doing
• Has extreme fears that interfere with daily activities

If you notice any of these by the time your child is 7 years old, you may want to talk to your doctor, or another health professional such as a mental health clinician, a speech-language pathologist, an occupational therapist, or a psychologist.

Social Emotional Development: Ages 4 – 5 years

This area of development involves learning to interact with other people, and to understand and control your own emotions. Developing the ability to control your emotions and behavior is also a long process. Children continue to develop their social-emotional skills well into their teenage years or even young adulthood.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 4-5 years of age.

• Show some awareness of moral reasoning, such as “fairness”, and good or bad behavior
• Develop friendships
• Express more awareness of other people’s feelings
• Enjoy imaginative play with other children, such as dress up or house
• Better at sharing and taking turns with other children
• Enjoy playing games, but might change the rules as he goes
• Stick with a difficult task for longer period
• Controlling frustration or anger better
• Listen while others are speaking

Red Flags

• Not interested in playing with other children
• Not able to share or take turns with other children
• Dependent on caregivers for everything
• Extremely “rigid” about routines, and becomes extremely upset when things are changed
• Extreme difficulty separating from you
• Is too passive or fearful, and does not want to try things other same age children are doing
• Has extreme fears that interfere with daily activities

If you notice any of these by the time your child is 5 years old, you may want to talk to your doctor, or another health professional such as a mental health clinician, a speech-language pathologist, an occupational therapist, or a psychologist.

Social Emotional Development: Ages 3 – 4 years

This area of development involves learning to interact with other people, and to understand and control your own emotions. Developing the ability to control your emotions and behavior is also a long process. Children continue to develop their social-emotional skills well into their teenage years, or even young adulthood.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 3-4 years of age.

• Share toys and taking turns
• Initiate or join in play with other children
• Follow simple rules in games, but will always want to win
• Begin dramatic play, acting out being animals or taking a trip
• Might be bossy and defiant
• Show more independence
• Experience a broad range of emotions (i.e. fear, happiness, jealousy, anger)
• Become more even-tempered and cooperative with parents
• May show attachment to one friend

Red Flags

• Not able to initiate or join in play with other children
• Not able to share with other children
• Dependent on caregivers for everything
• Extremely “rigid” about routines, and becomes extremely upset when things are changed
• Has extreme difficulty separating from you
• Is too passive or fearful, and does not want to try things other same age children are doing
• Has extreme fears that interfere with daily activities

If you notice any of these by the time your child is 4 years old, you may want to talk to your doctor, or another health professional such as a mental health clinician, a speech-language pathologist, an occupational therapist, or a psychologist.

Social Emotional Development: Ages 2 – 3 years

Toddlers develop relationships with the people around them right from birth, but the process of learning to communicate, share, and interact with others takes many years to develop.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 2-3 years of age.

• Be assertive about what he wants, and says no to adult requests
• Start to show awareness of her own feelings
• Begin to show empathy to other children (respond to their feelings)
• Have rapid mood shifts
• Show more fear in certain situations (i.e. the dark)
• Possibly become aggressive and frustrated easily
• Not like change
• Want independence, but still need to be reassured by parents
• Need a consistent and predictable routine
• Watch other children in play, and join them briefly
• Begin to play “house”
• Begin to separate more easily from parents

Red Flags

• Not interested in pretend play
• Has extreme difficulty separating from you
• Not starting to or responding to simple interactions with other children
• Showing abnormal aggression
• Shows extreme fears that interfere with daily activities
• Extremely “rigid” about routines

If you notice any of these by the time your child is 3 years old, you may want to talk to your doctor, or another health professional such as a mental health clinician, a speech-language pathologist, an occupational therapist, or a psychologist.

Social Emotional Development: Ages 1 – 2 years

Toddlers develop relationships with the people around them right from birth, but the process of learning to communicate, share, and interact with others takes many years to develop.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 1-2 years of age.

• Recognize herself in the mirror or photograph and smile or make faces at herself
• Begin to say ‘no’ to bedtime and other requests
• Imitate adults’ actions and words (i.e. chores, talking on play phone)
• Understand words and commands, and respond to them
• Hug and kiss parents, familiar people and pets
• Begin to feel jealousy when she is not the center of attention
• Show frustration easily
• May play next to another child, but will not really share yet
• Be able to play alone for a few minutes
• React to changes in daily routines
• Share a piece of food
• Develop a range of emotions (may have tantrums, show aggression by biting, etc.)
• Start to assert independence by preferring to try do things “by myself”, without help

Red Flags

• Doesn’t imitate other people
• Constantly moves from one activity to another and not able to stay at an activity for brief periods
• Requires constant attention to stay at an activity
• Doesn’t show any interest in other children
• Doesn’t “show” things to other people
• Extremely “rigid” about routines, becoming extremely upset when they are changed
• Too passive, and doesn’t want to try things other children her age are doing
• Has extreme difficulty waiting for items he wants

If you notice any of these by the time your child is 18-24 months old (2 years), you may want to talk to your doctor, or another health professional such as a mental health clinician, a speech-language pathologist, an occupational therapist or a psychologist.

Social Emotional Development: 9-12 months

Babies start to develop relationships with the people around them right from birth, but the process of learning to communicate, share, and interact with others takes many years to develop. 

Developing the ability to control your emotions and behavior is also a long process. Children will continue to develop their social-emotional skills well into their teenage years, or even young adulthood.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 9-12 months of age.

Social Emotional Development: First 9 Months

Social Emotional Development: Ages 0-3 months, 3-6 months and 6-9 months

Babies start to develop relationships with the people around them right from birth, but the process of learning to communicate, share, and interact with others takes many years to develop. Developing the ability to control your emotions and behavior is also a long process. Children will continue to develop their social-emotional skills well into their teenage years, or even young adulthood.

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 0-3 months of age:

• See clearly within 13 inches from her face
• Be comforted by a familiar adult
• Respond positively to touch
• Quiet when picked up
• Listen to voices
• Smile and show pleasure in response to social stimulation

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 3-6 months of age:

• Give warm smiles and laughs
• Recognize faces
• Cry when upset and seek comfort
• Show excitement by waving arms and legs
• Notice a difference between two people based on the way they look, sound, or feel
• Smile at self in the mirror
• Enjoy looking at other babies
• Pay attention to own name
• Laugh aloud

The following are some of the typical developmental milestones for children 6-9 months of age:

• Express several different clear emotions
• Play games like Peek-a-boo
• Show displeasure at the loss of a toy
• Respond to you when you talk or make gestures
• Start to understand your different emotions (i.e. your baby might frown when you speak in an angry tone of voice)
• Show more comfort around familiar people, and anxiety around strangers
• Possibly comfort self by sucking thumb, or holding a special toy or blanket

Red Flags:

• Not responding to sounds
• Not smiling or responding to you the way you expect
• Avoids close contact or cuddling
• Is inconsolable at night
• Cannot seem to self-soothe or calm self
• Your child has no interest in games like peek-a-boo

If you notice any of these by the time your baby is 8-9 months old, you may want to talk to your doctor or another health professional such as a mental health clinician, a speech-language pathologist, or an occupational therapist.

Read our other article on the first year of development.

Impulse Control and Social Skills

Impulse Control and Social Skills

Now that we have discussed what impulse control is and how a child may struggle with their own impulsivity, it is important to draw a connection to the different aspects that can be affected by having good vs. poor impulse control.

One of the major areas that can be affected by impulse control is socialization. Social skills are very important skills for a child to practice on a daily basis. They influence a child’s ability to develop interpersonal relationships with others, follow “hidden rules” of life, feel a sense of belonging and commonality amongst their peers, and not put them in a position to be victimized for inappropriate or “unexpected” behaviors. Children that struggle with impulsivity also tend to struggle with social skills and making friends. Therefore it is essential that we teach our children about impulse control and how it relates to socializing in an expected way.  How can we do that?

Quick Tip: Parenting and Child Brain Development

Did you know that how a you interact with your children can affect the children's brain chemistry and, thus, development?

Children need help regulating their emotions. When children are stressed, even by everyday experiences, their bodies produce chemicals that put them in a state of high alert, which weakens neural connections and can cause difficulty learning, anxiety, and hypervigilence. With ongoing parental emotional support, especially during times of stress, the body can return to a normal state. Prolonged absence of support can permanently change brain structure and lead to long term emotional and developmental problems. When parents are consistently supportive and help children understand and handle their feelings, eventually, children internalize this ability and become able to take on this task themselves. Then, children are better equiped to help themselves fend against harmful effects of ongoing stress.


Source: Khazan, Olga (2014). The Atlantic Monthly. How Supportive Parenting Protects the Brain.

The Role of the Adult in Child’s Play

In a previous post (The Importance of Play), we briefly explained how the role of play in a child’s world is of great importance to his or her psychological and physical development. To reiterate, play, for children, is work. Children use play to act out scenarios or events that are consuming their mental energy and they play about them over and over until they have processed enough to move on. Even the most typically developing children are consumed by the massive amounts of information and relational experiences that they must navigate every day and play helps them work it out.

Child Nutrition

Beginning in utero, one of a mother’s primary concerns is typically what to feed her child. A pregnant woman’s body gives the nourishment of her growing fetus top priority, even at the expense of her own general health, physical/nutritional needs, or quality of life. Once the baby is born, whether breast or bottle feeding, that baby is getting all of his or her sustenance from its caretaker. Food is also a source of nurturance and serves as a means of bonding between parent and child. Even into adulthood, food can be source of comfort. A tremendous amount of pressure is placed on parents to provide just the right kind and amount of nutrition (and, thus, emotional nurturance) to children. While most people want to provide the very healthiest foods for their offspring, there are a lot of ways that make doing so complicated.   

The Importance of Empathy

Parental responsiveness to children's emotions is an important part of child development. Parents who are able to offer moments of empathic understanding not only help reduce their children's anxious, sad, or angry feelings, but make them feel understood. This helps children learn to manage emotions and handle future disappointments.

There has been some debate about contemporary parenting and over-indulging children's emotions. However, empathy helps teach children that feelings matter; when they believe their feelings matter, they begin to recognize the value of others' feelings as well. This awareness promotes appropriate behaviors, positive relationships, and self restraint.

Social Emotional Development

A tremendous amount of attention is paid to promoting intellect in children. In many large cities across the country, parents find it necessary to compete to get children into good preschools, standardized tests are common place throughout grade school/middle school and there is an exorbitant amount of pressure on kids in the 8th grade to get into the "best" high schools. But what about social and emotional skills or emotional intelligence? How do these affect children's development?