When children are anxious, even the most well-meaning
parents can fall into a negative cycle and, not wanting a child to suffer,
actually intensify the child’s anxiety. Here are some tips for helping children
escape the cycle of anxiety.
Help your child
manage anxiety.
The best way to help kids overcome anxiety is to help them
manage and work through the feelings. Even if the things that trigger the
anxiety seem minor or silly, the feelings are real and intense for the child.
Talk about the feelings and triggers, share stories of others or your own past
fears and anxieties, practice some calm, deep breathing, and empathize with the
worry. When the child feels understood and held, he/she feels safe and strong
and is better able to work toward overcoming the anxiety.
Don’t over-react just
because something make a child anxious.
It is important to respect a child's fears and worries.
These feelings mean something to them. It is important to try and understand
what is behind them. Sometimes, well meaning parents are quick to try making
things better or immediately and repeatedly remove the anxiety producing
triggers. Once they are understood, a plan can be made to help the child
overcome that anxiety at a pace that allows him/her to feel in control.
Express positive
realistic expectations.
You cannot promise a child that their fears are unrealistic,
that they will not fail a test or that another child will not laugh at her
during show & tell. However, you can express confidence that they are going
to be okay and they will be able to manage it. This gives your child confidence
that your expectations are realistic, and that you are not going to ask them to
do something they cannot handle.
Respect their
feelings.
It is important to understand that validation does not
always mean agreement. You want to listen and be empathetic and help them
understand what they are anxious about. The message you want to send is, “I
know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you
get through this.”
Don’t ask leading
questions.
Encourage your child to talk about their feelings. To avoid
feeding the cycle of anxiety, just ask open-ended questions: “How are you
feeling about the science fair?”
Don’t reinforce their
fears.
What you do not want to do is be saying, with your
tone of voice or body language is: “Maybe this is something that you should be
afraid of.” Let’s say a child has had a negative experience with a dog. Next
time they are around a dog, you might be anxious about how they will respond,
and you might unintentionally send a message that they should be worried.
