Working towards peaceful, consistent, and purposeful
communication with your ex is absolutely essential to the success of co-parenting—even
when it seems impossible. It begins with your mindset. Think about
communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s
well-being. Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect
your child. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you and your ex
have together.
The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see
which type of contact works best for you. Whether talking via email, phone, or
in person, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective
communication:
● Set a business-like tone: Approach the relationship with
your ex as a business partnership, where your “business” is your children’s
well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality,
respect, and neutrality.
● Make requests: Instead of making statements, which can
often be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as requests;
"Would you be willing to…?" or “Can we try…?”
● Listen: Communicating with maturity starts with listening.
Even if you end up disagreeing, you should at least be able to express to your
ex that you have understood his/her point of view. Listening does not signify
approval, so you will not lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his/her
opinions.
● Show restraint: Keep in mind that communicating with one
another is going to be necessary for your child's entire childhood—if not
longer.
● Commit to meeting/talking consistently: Frequent
communication with your ex will convey the message to your children that you
and their other parent are a united front.
● Keep conversations child-focused: You can control the
content of your communication. Never let a discussion with your ex go off the
point; it should always be about your child's needs only.
