A young
person’s transition to adolescence is influenced by individual characteristics as
well as contextual factors. These dynamics may affect the relationship between
adolescents and their parents. During puberty, conflict often arises, as
adolescents are experiencing hormonal and physical changes and are going through a
developmental process of ongoing definition and redefinition of themselves. Typically,
these conflicts are only mildly intense, though frequent and annoying, and
focus on rule/regulation disagreements.
Family conflict
is often experienced when:
- Less time is spent with parents or caregivers, as peer relationships take precedence
- Adolescents become emotionally distant and appear to disconnect from the family; they seem like they are in their own world
- Power struggles emerge, as adolescents seek to establish their own identity and experience a new found grandiosity that rebuffs parental guidance
o
Power
struggles can range from minor disagreements over food, music, and fashion
tastes to bigger issues such as romantic relationships, future goals and ideals,
roles and responsibilities
As hard
as it is to believe, it is important for parents to recognize that their developing
adolescents are not intentionally acting “crazy” or seeking fights but are going
through a normal and necessary transition process. Their identity and sense of
self are solidifying. Though parents are no longer idealized like they once
were and needed to be to help the child feel safe and secure, this
de-idealization is not a purposeful, direct insult or attack; it is a necessary, natural
step in adolescents’ movement toward autonomy.
Conflict
during pubertal development does not mean that the parent-child bond is
ruptured. It serves as a manifestation of a young person’s psychological
separation from the caregiver. Adolescents sense parental reactions and this
influences their own responses to developmental changes. The key to
successfully navigating this process is to maintain consistency, be patient and
warm toward the adolescents, and give them the needed physical and
psychological space to come into their own. Being open and honest about
feelings provides a model for self insight and emotional regulation. Maintaining
boundaries and structure, while giving adolescents more responsibility, helps
strengthen trust and develop a sense of self efficacy. Adolescents respond
better to their parents when they believe they are heard and understood and
feel they have a say in the problem solving process. Adolescents do not need to
and should not always get their way, but if their feelings and perspective are
acknowledged (they receive empathy), they are more tolerant of disappointment.
Providing
this kind of support for young people will reinforce the affective bond between
the children and parents and serve to strengthen adolescents’ exploration of
the self.
Post by Asya Brodsky, LSW
