How effective are time out
techniques? That depends on how and why they are being used. There has been
increased discussion lately on child discipline techniques among both
professionals and parents. Here are some of the themes:
1)
Time outs are being misused and/or overused.
2)
Time outs might temporarily stop the immediate disruptive behavior but they do
not address the reasons for the behavior in the first place.
3)
Time out discipline should not be used to correct behavior, as it may be
experienced solely as punitive and not as an opportunity to learn self
regulatory skills (i.e., how to help children calm and learn to self soothe).
4)
The parents' needs tend to be met with a time out (e.g., quieting the child) but
have the child's needs been met?
5)
Parents tend to put children in time out because they are frustrated and
overwhelmed and do not know what else to do; children tend to act out because
they are frustrated and overwhelmed and do not know what else to do. Typical toddler
time outs do not necessarily teach either parents or children "what else
to do."
Children's misbehavior or melt downs
are reflective of their internal state; their behavior means something.
Children tend to act out when they are tired, confused, frustrated, in need of
attention, or are having a reaction to something in the environment. They often
do not have the words to express how they are feeling so it comes out in their
actions. It is when children are acting out that they need their feelings
acknowledged and validated and they need to experience a connection with their
parents. When feelings are reflected and validated, children learn
appropriate expression of emotion and how to regulate behavior. Time outs have
the potential to ultimately separate children from their parents and send a
message that expression of emotion is not ok. Over time, children may come to
disregard their emotions or hold them in, which could lead to further
disruptive behavior, mental health problems (e.g., depression, anxiety), and/or
relationship issues.
So, when and how is it appropriate
to use time outs? If a child is completely dis-regulated, he/she may need a
safe, comfortable, quiet space to find calm and re-connect with his/her parents (e.g.,
nestling on the couch with a parent and a favorite stuffed animal, toy, or
blanket while reflecting on feelings). It is in these moments that parents
serve as models and sources of regulation for their children. It is not a time
for separation or isolation and suppression of feelings.
Children who feel understood and are
helped to manage their feelings learn to regulate their emotions on their own,
display less acting out behavior and have better relationships.
